Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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