O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
