my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
