I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
