Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
