I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
