Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
