my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
