I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
