thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
