i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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