are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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