I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
