I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
