So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
