shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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