I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
