Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
