Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the liver wants what the liver wants
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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