I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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