Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
