I can text with my tongue
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
