But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
