nut hugger
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
