This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
