insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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