I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
