She announced her abortion via fbk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
