Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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