Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
