I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
