just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
