His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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