im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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