I just cut my nipple shaving
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
