he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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