dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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