Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
