i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
