Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
