So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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