every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
