So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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