In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
