READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
