If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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