i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
