i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
