I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
