I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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